You have reached Dr. Lecter's secure voicemail (Snowblind)

[tablewithoutpity]

Comments

[jumpthegun]

[John stares at that message for a long while. On the one hand, it's... something he wants to hear. On the other. That seems ill-advised. But Hannibal's the actual psychiatrist between the two of them.]

I guess I'm a little confused. Isn't hallucinating people typically considered a bad thing? People get institutionalized for less.

[tablewithoutpity]

Typically people are institutionalized because they are a danger to others or themselves. "Danger" to themselves being somewhat broadly defined. If you were unable to function due to this singular hallucination, then a case could be made. Likewise if she were telling you to do things you would otherwise find abhorrent. Or if you were entirely unable to distinguish the reality inside your head from that outside your head. But it sounds to me that you know this is a hallucination. And that it in and of itself is not interfering with your ability to function. Indeed, from what you've told me, it would appear her presence is helping you to function.

[jumpthegun]

Hannibal, what if someone else finds out it's happening? They'll think I've gone mental. Sherlock's already picked up on it before.

[tablewithoutpity]

It is always your choice how much or how little you reveal to others. You do not owe an explanation to anyone. If it is helping you function, what other people believe is irrelevant.

I am curious how Sherlock reacted before, however.

[jumpthegun]

['Why do you care what other people think?' It's a demand that's been leveled at him more than once by Sherlock. John never has a very good answer other than 'because they're wrong.' Because he's worried it will get someone he cares about hurt.

Because it got Sherlock 'killed' years ago.]

I don't know. It was a while ago.

[He knows. Can picture Sherlock gazing down at the spot where he knew the hallucination to be.]

Sherlock's different from most people anyway.

[tablewithoutpity]

From what little I've seen of him, I must say I agree.

How are you feeling about all this?

[jumpthegun]

He's a good man. And a good friend.

Most of the time.

[Some of the time.

... A not insignificant portion of the time.]

I really dunno how I'm meant to feel. I guess... I'm okay?

[Oddly okay when he'd come into this conversation feeling despondent, frustrated, and confused. He's still rather miserable, grief-stricken, but there's something.]

Hopeful?

[Mainly hoping that if he really does let go, lets himself crack, and Mary's there again... maybe it's not something he needs to deal with. She's good for him. She's always been good for him. As long as he keeps a check on what's real and what's not, that should be okay. Right? Hannibal seems to think so. Which means he has faith in John's relative mental stability.]

Ask me in a few days. I'll have a better answer. How are you doing? I know you were tortured in those cells with us. If any of that was me... I know I wasn't in my right mind, but I'm so sorry, Hannibal. I really am. You shouldn't have had to go through that. No one should.

[tablewithoutpity]

There is no need to apologize, John. Certainly not after you were so kind to me following my own violence toward you and your friends. I was at least aware of what was doing, even if I was not wholly myself.

[jumpthegun]

I know. It still bears saying.

[Given he feels guilty and Robert Miller is unlikely to provide an apology.]

How are you holding up, though? You and the other people without the lines can actually remember what happened.

[Blessing and curse that that is.]

[tablewithoutpity]

It was trying, particularly on the heels of what occurred after my death. But I believe I am faring better than most. Certainly far better than Will, I am afraid.

[jumpthegun]

Oh... he seemed like he was holding up better than some other people.

[Mainly, John himself.]

He came in to talk to me after all of you woke up injured. Do you think he'll be all right?

[tablewithoutpity]

I cannot say. I hope so. He was of great help to me after the first night, when I was myself rather poorly. But by the time we were rescued, the ordeal had taken a heavy toll on his mind, which has always been somewhat fragile.

[jumpthegun]

You had to pull him out of the hallucination, right? Delusion. Whatever you want to call it, I suppose. Both. The belief we were in those cells, locked up. It was hard to let go of everything my senses were telling me. I can imagine it'd be even harder for a bloke in his position.

[Who already has trouble defining reality. There's a whisper of a voice in the back of John's mind.

Well, there's the pot calling out the kettle.]

Or for someone particularly sure of their senses. Did you have any trouble breaking free?

[tablewithoutpity]

I had the benefit of extensive contemplation of how my senses are being toyed with. It is an unpleasant thing, certainly, but it has helped me somewhat to keep an open mind. I also benefited from being brought out of the delusion by Dr. House.

[Never mind how.]

I brought Will out as best I could, but his psyche was torn in the process.

[jumpthegun]

[House helping anyone apart from... well, House helping anyone is a bit of a surprise, but John doesn't comment.]

Do you think there's anything that you'll be able to do for him?

[tablewithoutpity]

I believe so. I hope so.

[jumpthegun]

Is there anything I can do to help you or him?

[tablewithoutpity]

Not at the moment. But thank you, John.

[jumpthegun]

[John frowns. It's twice now that he's offered help to the other man and been turned down. He might have been able to help Hannibal after the death price, but it still feels... unbalanced. Mostly John keeps track of his own debts to other people. The red ink is getting a little more extensive than he likes with Hannibal.

There's not much to be done about it for the moment.]

All right. Let me know if that changes. Thanks again, Hannibal. And I'm sorry for what happened to you, Will, and everyone down in those cells.