[Hannibal raises his hand to touch John's hand on his shoulder in quiet appreciation. He sighs and looks up, looking over at the window for a moment, before looking back to John.]
I would tell him that I am better with him. That we are stronger together. And that I would give him my life if he would give me his.
[He remembers a wedding ring tucked in his bag, one he had considered giving to Will.]
[Says the man who married an assassin... and chose to live with Sherlock Holmes. And then befriended the Winter Soldier. And a gang lord. And another assassin. And fell in love with a con artist for a stretch there. John's just not going to think about his own life choices for a little while. He offers Hannibal a gentle smile.]
Maybe focus on how you feel about him. Let him tell you you're his beloved. I'm sure you are... he just doesn't seem much like a man who likes to be told. [At least in John's experience with him.]
I know before he got here he was fighting someone, a very bad man who'd... somehow become his best friend. [If John were a bit more on his game, he might make a connection here, but it goes unremarked for the moment.] Took him over the edge of a cliff. Maybe focus on the fact you're making up for time the two of you missed together? That that man stole away when Will had to kill him. That you would have missed if you were back home, as well. Not to guilt him. [Just a quick clarification there.] But a reminder, right? Life's too short. And it can be over before you know it. Especially here.
I'm aware you two are often at odds. Will can be a difficult man to interact with, for a number of reasons. But he is, at his core, a man of compassion and strength. Even when his...peculiarities make it difficult for him to interact with others.
[Hannibal listens to John's recounting of what Will had told him about this "bad man," and wonders what it would be like to tell the good doctor the truth. That he was Will's best friend, the one he had taken over a cliff, the one who was locked in a relationship of deadly give and take with the man he loved. Perhaps were this conversation to happen when he was still devoid of his self-control, he would have told him. But as intriguing the prospect, he decided that at the moment it would do no good for anyone.]
The man you speak of...Will's relationship with him is not easily discounted. Will sees in him the man that he himself is capable of being. In ways that are both positive and negative. I sometimes wonder if he still struggles with that. Or if he has made his peace with it. Forgiven him, for the...inconvenient compassion they shared.
I don't discount it. [This is a bit of an odd tangent, and John's brows furrow for a moment.] I've just seen what it's like when a psychopath catches hold of... someone with certain sorts of peculiarities.
[His mind turns briefly to Sherlock and Moriarty and whatever the hell that rivalry between them had been, and he looks toward the doorway, unconsciously seeking out his friend. John would be surprised if Sherlock had spent two hours with the man in the sum total of their acquaintance, and yet... his life, so much of his attention and his mind had been consumed by that man, to the point he'd become Moriarty for a time as a death price.
But friendship...]
Caring about someone like that's little more than inconvenient. But... if the bloke he took over the edge really cared about him, too, wasn't just putting on a show of it... maybe he wasn't all bad. Real psychopaths don't care about anyone. [He says it with the conviction of a man who has made up his mind for a particular and somewhat defensive reason. Sherlock's been accused of being psychotic by more than one person, including Will, himself.] Not really, just what other people can do for them.
[They're really getting off topic.]
Anyway, if he has forgiven that man for... whatever reason, I think there's hope for you, Hannibal. Maybe by the time we make it over to the other residential zone he'll have had time to mull it all over. A little time can't hurt, now he knows you're back and alive, and he doesn't have to worry about that.
I do believe he sincerely cared for Will. We are quick to label those whose actions we are repelled by, because it is easier to see them as other than to accept that we are not so different from them. We call such people monsters to avoid admitting that we are all of us monstrous, in one way or another. We want to believe they do not feel, when in truth many feel very deeply, and it is in this that they find beauty in the darkness.
There is darkness in Will. It has, as far as I have been able to ascertain, always been there. To a certain extent, this relationship has allowed him to understand himself more fully, and to embrace in himself that which he once feared.
I embrace everything about him, his light and his darkness. And is that not love? To know someone completely, to truly see them, and to chose them, time after time?
[John's fairly certain the deepest thing James Moriarty has ever felt is boredom. People like him, like Magnussen, like Culverton, they're not even monsters, they're worse than that in John's mind.
He doesn't expect Hannibal's really looking for a philosophical debate on his points, one by one, so John refrains. He has thoughts about it, about the idea that there's darkness in everyone. Will wouldn't be the first man who has fallen prey to his darker impulses, but there's a part of John that has to believe dragging the man with him over the cliff is evidence that the light had won out in Will's heart. Much as he might not like the man, John can respect that.]
That sounds like love, yeah. Maybe... he feels like he doesn't know you at this point, though? Or like you don't know him.
[Hannibal swallows and looks away, a look of pain crossing his face. His voice is quiet and strained.]
I am afraid that might be the case, yes. Which...
[He shakes his head, looking down, the tears once again threatening.]
Will saw me, and understood me, in a way no one ever had. It was...very precious to me. The idea of having...lost that...being unseen and unknown, even by the man I...have loved...
[The odd moment of... debating the nature of monsters seems to have passed and John's on more stable footing again. He doesn't really know Hannibal well enough to offer more than that hand on his shoulder, but the doctor does lean in a little bit.]
Hey, sometimes people say things they don't mean when they're upset. Or they lose sight for a moment. But it's like... blinking, right? You close your eyes for a moment and you're blind, can't understand, then it's back. Will's just between opening his eyes. I'm sure.
[He's... not, but he's going to try to be reassuring for the distressed man in front of him.]
[He shakes his head again. Hannibal survives, it's what he does. And he would survive this. But it would change him. When the hole ripped in his soul finally stopped bleeding, he would be different. He would not be whole.]
Let's let the future be the future. [John's far better at handing out practical advice than accepting it.] We'll see how things go when we meet up with him. Being there in person can help a lot, too. There's something to be said for touch. [John lets his hand slide from Hannibal's shoulder.] And there's really only so much you can do on the network, even with video.
[Hannibal nods, looking away again, taking a breath and composing himself. He is very rarely so overcome with emotion, and he doesn't like it. Not at all. It's a weakness, a vulnerability. He had consumed his sister to forgive her for the way she made him feel, the love that was a chink in his well-crafted armor. And he had once believed that he would have to do the same to Will, consume him in order to move on from him. He has since decided otherwise, but that doesn't stop part of him from wondering if perhaps he would be better off with Will in his stomach instead of in his head and heart.
Of course, in this place, even if he did eat his friend, he'd just appear again.
[John doesn't imagine it's something Hannibal wants to dwell on.]
Right.
[He doesn't just want to leave the man despondent, but he's running out of assurances to offer.]
What, um... when you're feeling down, is there anything particular you like to do to cheer yourself up? I know there isn't a lot we can do here, but... if there's anything I can do for you?
I have paper and pencils to draw with. [The offer is immediate.] D'you like listening to music, as well? I can ask Sherlock to pull out his violin. He's incredibly gifted. Playing and composing. Wrote a song for- [John breaks off for just a moment for he pushes down the emotion and carries on. The waltz Sherlock had written for John and Mary's wedding, he'd been about to say.] He's written songs for special occasions.
He's really not the sort to hold grudges. [John would, in fact, prefer if Sherlock held more grudges.] And people kind of... try to murder him a lot back home. I make sure that doesn't happen.
[As best he can, anyway.]
Honestly, the worst you'll get is probably him asking you to describe what happened and your thought processes to see if he can use the data for some theory he's working on. I can tell him to behave, though. He listens sometimes.
In all honesty, it sounds like something I would do.
[He would have to have a conversation with Sherlock at some point, likely without John present. He suspected Sherlock would understand things that John would find distressing.]
If he is willing, I would appreciate music. And the paper and pencils. Do you draw, Dr. Watson?
[That's... well. It is what it is. John's learned to deal with it, and there are worse things that Hannibal could do than show an unhealthy curiosity in death and insanity. John's well aware he can be a bit of a morbid man, himself. That's Sherlock's unfortunate influence. Although, John suspects Hannibal might have some manners while questioning.]
No, I'm not really artistic. [Sherlock would probably argue that the blog had been pure fantasy drivel. Granted, John might agree with him to an extent at this point. He looks back on some of his case write-ups in the early days and sees that blind loyalty and near hero worship devotion in his descriptions of Sherlock. They've both had enough years and enough strains on their relationship to know better and recognize the flaws in each other more.] I picked them up for someone else, but... he's been gone awhile.
I'll go fetch those things and see about Sherlock, though. [John offers Hannibal another warm smile and brief pat on the shoulder before standing up.] I'm sure he'll be happy to play. [Unless Hannibal stops him, John will head out of the room to grab the pencils and pad of paper from his pack and harass Sherlock into breaking out his violin.]
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Re: cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 12:01 am (UTC)From:I would tell him that I am better with him. That we are stronger together. And that I would give him my life if he would give me his.
[He remembers a wedding ring tucked in his bag, one he had considered giving to Will.]
That he is my beloved, and I am his.
cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 01:15 am (UTC)From:[Says the man who married an assassin... and chose to live with Sherlock Holmes. And then befriended the Winter Soldier. And a gang lord. And another assassin. And fell in love with a con artist for a stretch there. John's just not going to think about his own life choices for a little while. He offers Hannibal a gentle smile.]
Maybe focus on how you feel about him. Let him tell you you're his beloved. I'm sure you are... he just doesn't seem much like a man who likes to be told. [At least in John's experience with him.]
I know before he got here he was fighting someone, a very bad man who'd... somehow become his best friend. [If John were a bit more on his game, he might make a connection here, but it goes unremarked for the moment.] Took him over the edge of a cliff. Maybe focus on the fact you're making up for time the two of you missed together? That that man stole away when Will had to kill him. That you would have missed if you were back home, as well. Not to guilt him. [Just a quick clarification there.] But a reminder, right? Life's too short. And it can be over before you know it. Especially here.
Re: cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 01:45 am (UTC)From:[Hannibal listens to John's recounting of what Will had told him about this "bad man," and wonders what it would be like to tell the good doctor the truth. That he was Will's best friend, the one he had taken over a cliff, the one who was locked in a relationship of deadly give and take with the man he loved. Perhaps were this conversation to happen when he was still devoid of his self-control, he would have told him. But as intriguing the prospect, he decided that at the moment it would do no good for anyone.]
The man you speak of...Will's relationship with him is not easily discounted. Will sees in him the man that he himself is capable of being. In ways that are both positive and negative. I sometimes wonder if he still struggles with that. Or if he has made his peace with it. Forgiven him, for the...inconvenient compassion they shared.
cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 03:28 am (UTC)From:[His mind turns briefly to Sherlock and Moriarty and whatever the hell that rivalry between them had been, and he looks toward the doorway, unconsciously seeking out his friend. John would be surprised if Sherlock had spent two hours with the man in the sum total of their acquaintance, and yet... his life, so much of his attention and his mind had been consumed by that man, to the point he'd become Moriarty for a time as a death price.
But friendship...]
Caring about someone like that's little more than inconvenient. But... if the bloke he took over the edge really cared about him, too, wasn't just putting on a show of it... maybe he wasn't all bad. Real psychopaths don't care about anyone. [He says it with the conviction of a man who has made up his mind for a particular and somewhat defensive reason. Sherlock's been accused of being psychotic by more than one person, including Will, himself.] Not really, just what other people can do for them.
[They're really getting off topic.]
Anyway, if he has forgiven that man for... whatever reason, I think there's hope for you, Hannibal. Maybe by the time we make it over to the other residential zone he'll have had time to mull it all over. A little time can't hurt, now he knows you're back and alive, and he doesn't have to worry about that.
Re: cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 04:40 am (UTC)From:There is darkness in Will. It has, as far as I have been able to ascertain, always been there. To a certain extent, this relationship has allowed him to understand himself more fully, and to embrace in himself that which he once feared.
I embrace everything about him, his light and his darkness. And is that not love? To know someone completely, to truly see them, and to chose them, time after time?
cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 05:00 am (UTC)From:He doesn't expect Hannibal's really looking for a philosophical debate on his points, one by one, so John refrains. He has thoughts about it, about the idea that there's darkness in everyone. Will wouldn't be the first man who has fallen prey to his darker impulses, but there's a part of John that has to believe dragging the man with him over the cliff is evidence that the light had won out in Will's heart. Much as he might not like the man, John can respect that.]
That sounds like love, yeah. Maybe... he feels like he doesn't know you at this point, though? Or like you don't know him.
Re: cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 05:10 am (UTC)From:I am afraid that might be the case, yes. Which...
[He shakes his head, looking down, the tears once again threatening.]
Will saw me, and understood me, in a way no one ever had. It was...very precious to me. The idea of having...lost that...being unseen and unknown, even by the man I...have loved...
[He shakes his head again, unable to finish.]
cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 05:16 am (UTC)From:Hey, sometimes people say things they don't mean when they're upset. Or they lose sight for a moment. But it's like... blinking, right? You close your eyes for a moment and you're blind, can't understand, then it's back. Will's just between opening his eyes. I'm sure.
[He's... not, but he's going to try to be reassuring for the distressed man in front of him.]
Re: cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 05:32 am (UTC)From:[He shakes his head again. Hannibal survives, it's what he does. And he would survive this. But it would change him. When the hole ripped in his soul finally stopped bleeding, he would be different. He would not be whole.]
cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-10 05:38 am (UTC)From:Re: cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-11 04:06 am (UTC)From:Of course, in this place, even if he did eat his friend, he'd just appear again.
He takes another breath.]
How long will it take us to reach them?
cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-11 04:12 am (UTC)From:Did you... let him know what happened? With your death price.
Re: cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-11 04:33 am (UTC)From:[Hannibal leaves it vague, because when Will knew was problematic if he didn't immediately broadcast the danger he posed.]
no subject
Date: 2018-04-11 04:37 am (UTC)From:Right.
[He doesn't just want to leave the man despondent, but he's running out of assurances to offer.]
What, um... when you're feeling down, is there anything particular you like to do to cheer yourself up? I know there isn't a lot we can do here, but... if there's anything I can do for you?
no subject
Date: 2018-04-11 04:43 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2018-04-11 04:48 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2018-04-13 03:31 am (UTC)From:Would your friend be willing to play for me? I did almost murder him.
no subject
Date: 2018-04-13 03:34 am (UTC)From:[As best he can, anyway.]
Honestly, the worst you'll get is probably him asking you to describe what happened and your thought processes to see if he can use the data for some theory he's working on. I can tell him to behave, though. He listens sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2018-04-13 03:44 am (UTC)From:[He would have to have a conversation with Sherlock at some point, likely without John present. He suspected Sherlock would understand things that John would find distressing.]
If he is willing, I would appreciate music. And the paper and pencils. Do you draw, Dr. Watson?
no subject
Date: 2018-04-13 04:03 am (UTC)From:No, I'm not really artistic. [Sherlock would probably argue that the blog had been pure fantasy drivel. Granted, John might agree with him to an extent at this point. He looks back on some of his case write-ups in the early days and sees that blind loyalty and near hero worship devotion in his descriptions of Sherlock. They've both had enough years and enough strains on their relationship to know better and recognize the flaws in each other more.] I picked them up for someone else, but... he's been gone awhile.
I'll go fetch those things and see about Sherlock, though. [John offers Hannibal another warm smile and brief pat on the shoulder before standing up.] I'm sure he'll be happy to play. [Unless Hannibal stops him, John will head out of the room to grab the pencils and pad of paper from his pack and harass Sherlock into breaking out his violin.]