[John sits down on the bed next to Hannibal. Near enough to be companionable, but keeping some relative distance to avoid crowding him.]
It can be hard. [He glances down at his hands, more willing to share in support of someone hurting than in the context of a therapist.] Back home, um... Sherlock, he had to... he pretended to kill himself. It was to protect me and some of our friends. He was being blackmailed with out lives. I didn't know that at the time, though. And... to make it look real he... We had a phone call before he jumped off the roof of a building while I was watching. That's the last memory I had when I first arrived here. The funeral, a little bit after it.
And then he was here. You know, I thought I was getting borrowed time. And then... some things happened and it came out that it was fake. And why it happened.
It hurt. It still hurts. Because even though I know he did it to save lives, my life. It's... that trust. And everything you think you know about someone, about the truth. It's like having the rug pulled out from under you, and there's not even a floor there, you just tumble.
He's killed himself here a few times for experiments. And it hurts every time.
Will... he loves you, right? I can honestly see why he'd have a hard time seeing it, mate. That it was to protect him. Even when he does see it, can think rationally about it, that's not gonna help much. There's still that hurt. That you'd do something like that to him. That you wouldn't... let him come with you. He'll be wondering when you'll do it again. What the truth is, if he can trust anything you say.
[John clears his throat and glances away.]
Probably the best thing you can do is give it a little time and... if there's another person he trusts who can talk him into giving you another chance. And don't... do that again, basically. Show him that the good things he believes about you are real.
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cw: suicide
Date: 2018-04-09 03:33 am (UTC)From:It can be hard. [He glances down at his hands, more willing to share in support of someone hurting than in the context of a therapist.] Back home, um... Sherlock, he had to... he pretended to kill himself. It was to protect me and some of our friends. He was being blackmailed with out lives. I didn't know that at the time, though. And... to make it look real he... We had a phone call before he jumped off the roof of a building while I was watching. That's the last memory I had when I first arrived here. The funeral, a little bit after it.
And then he was here. You know, I thought I was getting borrowed time. And then... some things happened and it came out that it was fake. And why it happened.
It hurt. It still hurts. Because even though I know he did it to save lives, my life. It's... that trust. And everything you think you know about someone, about the truth. It's like having the rug pulled out from under you, and there's not even a floor there, you just tumble.
He's killed himself here a few times for experiments. And it hurts every time.
Will... he loves you, right? I can honestly see why he'd have a hard time seeing it, mate. That it was to protect him. Even when he does see it, can think rationally about it, that's not gonna help much. There's still that hurt. That you'd do something like that to him. That you wouldn't... let him come with you. He'll be wondering when you'll do it again. What the truth is, if he can trust anything you say.
[John clears his throat and glances away.]
Probably the best thing you can do is give it a little time and... if there's another person he trusts who can talk him into giving you another chance. And don't... do that again, basically. Show him that the good things he believes about you are real.